Monday, August 24, 2009

Lets wait a while-Janet

Before we go to far....

Yeah its been a minute.

Life has been a hoot since the last time I was here.

Everything from me starting a youtube channel to shutting it down. I have twitter now. *and LORD KNOWS the craziness that is on there*

I got a ticket on base for not using my turn signal before turning right into a parking lot at 3 am on a sunday night/ monday morning AKA when there is no traffic.

Just a whole lot of stuff that I find to be hilariously amusing.

Life is good.

I cant complain. I mean well I can but life will still go on.

I have bigger things to worry about. But then again Im not much for worrying... I will say I have bigger things to accomplish.

I think this semester I will have to do a late start class *classes* and take 2 business classes so that I can get past the internship phase of this DOD career. I think I found another prospective house to buy. Its nice its mostly brick. The location is 15 minutes away from the internship. So we shall see.

Oh I have to pay for my own school this semester.... 2100 dollars. Whats funny is 3 years ago I woulda hyperventilated over the fact... Now days Im ok. I wont b e paying for school next semester though!

LOL Either way Im blessed and still highly favored in the eyes of the Lord. And Im doing well.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

0428 (4:28 am) Blues

fret not over sleep.

because currently I have none.

I miss

deep.

cries.

soulfully.

wistful

depression.

led by pain filled anguish

a beast

clawing at my insides

literally tearing me apart from the inside out.

losing control of my heart

ive lost touch with my soul

every breath makes me feel like I am going to implode

but i await the explosion to reverse the end result

some sci fi flick type ish.

i fade into the deep

lose myself within myself.

never to find myself.

i paint a picture for you all to see

so that you cant see my fragile heart.

my broken pieces of my soul

the disorganization of my thoughts

the torment that i have evaded, embraced and then pushed away.

but i search for solace

wondering why my spirit doesnt feel as free

tied to the notion of

pushing past pain that doesnt matter

yet it is forever chained to my straining breaking distressed heart.

In the end I ignore it all.

I walk away from it all

Moved to tears that never falls

by words that rarely escape.

From a heart that constantly breaks.

~The Abstract Ave

Monday, April 13, 2009

So I have decided

When I look in his eyes and see the pain I cause when I promise to remove myself from his life and walk away and never look back I realize that no matter how much hurt that was pressed upon me by he or any other he in my life I cannot conform to the activities of a heart breaker.

It would break my heart to not allow someone to try to reach their full potential. I guess that the nurturer in me.
Who am I to take away your chance to prove yourself worthy? Am I that great? or that powerful? that perfect even?

Should I be the one who judges your love unfit? too poor for this rich girls taste? When in fact I just refuse to sit at the table and break your bread?

No thats not me...

So I accept love never to push love or the thought of forever away,
But most of all I remain loyal to the words I said to him very long ago
I will never hurt you thats not my style. A heart breaker I am not.

~Ave

P.s. The decision to love truly and fully deeply without pretense and with the thought of anothers well being before your own is never an easy one. But isnt that what real love is all about. (Statement not question)

Buying a house

Ok so now the portion of my life starts where I am looking for another house.

One to make a home..

My first house was gifted to me but I have since moved on.

I am looking at trying to purchase a home in the Fort Belvior area..... Problem is I really dont want to purchase a home on the East Coast AT ALL...

The area that I want to live in is the Mid West,..... Texas, tennessee and kentucky area. Yea I said Kentucky. You get more bang for your buck in those areas.

I look at my age and realize that like the minutes ticking off the wall clock my age is quickly advancing. Should I pressure myself into doing this or doing that?

I dont know....

So I'm perplexed....

*sigh*

And in other news

Im going to be in school all summer.


Such is life.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Reading

Ok so I love to read.

And every once in a while I come across a book that holds me captivated for all time...making my mind work and giving my imagination a good exercise. Well the first book I can recall that did that was Castle in the Attic... (very good book thats where I learned that January was derived from Janus who was believed to be the god of new beginnings or something to that stretch) Then there was My side of the Mountain. I read those two book many many many times over. Now that I think of it I may just read them this summer if they are still in print...

In the more recent years there was a book I let like every female read and it was a good book... like a good pleasure reading... everyone who read it read it in like 2-3 days because no one could put it down... lol... people were in line literally to read it... too bad I cant recall the name. But the ladies I was deployed with know the book I am talking about.

Fast forward.... I found the hardback book Infidel by Aayan Hirsi in the MWR center while in Kosovo. Something in her eyes drew me to the book and I read it. The book was so profound that I wrote all throughout the book everytime I had any thought or question..... Sadly this particular copy of the book is now gone... i let someone borrow it and never got it back... sad day for me... OH wait..... I bought the book for myself from Amazon.com. HA! Memory correction. And I bought that again lol

So if youre looking for a good book that will engage every moral fiber of your being while wow you intellectually and bring you to see life through anothers eyes I say go for that book....

Moving on... So I just read Twilight... (Ok Im pissed right bow because there is a damn thunderstorm coming and I have to go to work in a few......craziness.... UGH! I hate NEW JERSEY!!!!!) but I digress.... So yeah.... Yeahhhhh thats where I was *just looked up at the beginning of the paragraph* yeah so I saw the movie FIRST and absolutely fell in love with the movie. I havent bought the movie yet but I love Shakespearean love..... Tragic beginnings leading to tragic ends with a conumdrum of love and emotions to completely be swept away by......

But the story on screen was beautiful indeed... but the book.... PURE ADDICTION! I went to Barnes and Noble and bought the whole freaking saga. Along with a book about crystals and all (im really mad cause its about to rain like hell outside)

So anywho I just wanted to share that with you... I think I am going to reread Infidel this summmer... I was thinking of making a book club but I dont know how to go about starting one... hmmmmmmm.....

Saturday, April 4, 2009

What you wont do... do for love?

Why.

Yeah not a question. A statement. Why bend all the rules to breaking points for this silly little notion called love?

*Says the hopeless romantic who can quote sonnets by Shakespeare* Why indeed

I love to love. I love being loved.

Sad to say that I do not enjoy being in love.

And I can honestly say that I think I have been "in love" with my current boyfriend for maybe a grand total of like 2 weeks. maybe 3. We have been together since October 2006. But like I said Im not a big fan of in love. cause you can be Out of love. Though you dont run out of it you can just fall out of it like you fell into it. What I do feel for him is unconditional love. Even when I dont like him I love him.

But I will tell you like I tell everyone else..... Im too cool to fall.... I weeble wobble but I dont fall down.

I have alot of things posted on the wall of my heart right now the post it note reads

"Is it all worth it?"

~Ave

Friday, April 3, 2009

Why 7 Abstract Avenue???

So in case you were wondering....

Seven (7) being a divine number never to be divided.

Abstract well by definition :
–adjective
1. thought of apart from concrete realities, specific objects, or actual instances: an abstract idea.
2. expressing a quality or characteristic apart from any specific object or instance, as justice, poverty, and speed.
3. theoretical; not applied or practical: abstract science.
4. difficult to understand; abstruse: abstract speculations.
5. Fine Arts.
a. of or pertaining to the formal aspect of art, emphasizing lines, colors, generalized or geometrical forms, etc., esp. with reference to their relationship to one another.
b. (often initial capital letter) pertaining to the nonrepresentational art styles of the 20th century.
–noun
6. a summary of a text, scientific article, document, speech, etc.; epitome.
7. something that concentrates in itself the essential qualities of anything more extensive or more general, or of several things; essence.
8. an idea or term considered apart from some material basis or object.
9. an abstract work of art.
–verb (used with object)
10. to draw or take away; remove.
11. to divert or draw away the attention of.
12. to steal.
13. to consider as a general quality or characteristic apart from specific objects or instances: to abstract the notions of time, space, and matter.
14. to make an abstract of; summarize.
15. abstract away from, to omit from consideration.
16. in the abstract, without reference to a specific object or instance; in theory: beauty in the abstract.
You might not know these things but Ima learns ya though lol

And I chose Avenue because I go by Avesha now...
Whats the abbreviation for Avenue??? AVE right?

Thats how I will sign my blogs.

So welcome to 7 Abstract Ave

~Ave

180 degrees (original Myspace post)

Everyone always wants to say that things did a 360... Ummm you do realize that that means you ended up where you started?

Well I am learning the true value of hard work, patience and love. When the old folks say that youngins dont make it because they dont know how to stick out the rough and tough times they are telling the truth. Every pretty picture has a real life story behind it. Not everyone is meant to know that story or live that story.

My mother taught me never to covet what another person has because you never know what they had to go thru to maintain such or what life they lived to acquire what they had... or even what those before them had to go through. For example some of us covet that "good" hair but unbeknownst to us that trait was placed into that ssame family from rape... now is "good" hair worth all that?? To me personally no. But I will keep my well loved hair that acts right and grows darn fast any day.

But anywho back to my 180. I have had my ups and my downs. But through it all I have stayed with my hard work. I have truly stayed the course. And because of that I am enjoying the spoils of the day.. the months... the years... So right when things were looking down they slowly started to look up. 15 degrees.... 30... 45... 90.... and now 180. and yes it went from 90 to 180. :)

Anyway believe that I am blessed and I didnt understand alot prior to 2009 but this is a year of harvest. :) I hope you all took care of your fields that you sowed your seeds in :) :) :)


Ave

So I dont look back (Myspace orginal post)

Truth is the past does shape us.

I am amazed at people who can recount their past as if it were yesterday. Truth is I can hardly recount everything that happened good or bad 2 years ago. I mean there are those occasions that were so wonderful that I remember. And there are of course less significant experiences that if YOU tell me in detail the whole thing I might recall being there.

I literally live it learn from it and move on. My brain is a super computer but that is simply for processing not for storing every detail of information (unless its logistics numbers and codes and then somehow I can recall it no problem....)

If we hold on to every detail of life we forget to carry what we really should take away from it. Every moment is precious. We cannot live in that moment forever but we can enjoy the next. Because the first wont be like the last and each one holds its own importance.

Its easier for me to remember my dreams. To remember my random thoughts. These are the things that I invest my brain power in. These are the things that are profound to me. I can recall lines from poems i wrote even when I was in middle school. But these denote life changes and shifts in my mental paradigm. Some dont understand this.

But thats ok. we all have our focuses. Right now part of mine is letting go of the past everyday. I appreciate its affect on the future because if it werent for my past I would not be standing as strong as I am today. But I will not keep the past in a chokehold in front of me allowing it to block my view of the future.

~Ave

The rain

Im enjoying the rain and letting my thoughts wander.

I guess the rain mellows me out.

For as abrasive as I tend to be there is also a very tender side of me...

these are the things I am thinking about today.

I can now think of past hurts without them still hurting.

Think of past loves without still loving.

Everything takes time. Understand that.

when i was younger everything was a devastation or a reason to change my outlook on life. Now its just another part of the journey.

I guess with age Wisdom truly does come.....

But right now I am just listening to the rain on my building and wishing that it rains harder..... But for now it looks like its slowing up...
The sun is even making an appearance.

~Ave