I honestly cannot recall being happy
with you
for a long span.
It makes me wonder what about that time
makes you so upset its gone?
To look at it as if it is
the good days gone
When the good days ended long before that for me.
I guess... I dont even speculate. I dont strive to understand. Try to make amends. I do nothing. I cant even imagine.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
@AyyaSaturn
I am the thickener to the plot.... In love with the company when Im alone... Searching for the endless.
my bio for now
i also learned how to screen cap. hell yess! lol
I am the thickener to the plot.... In love with the company when Im alone... Searching for the endless.
my bio for now
i also learned how to screen cap. hell yess! lol
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
And there you have it
I battle not with you but with your indecisivie nature. Make a decision. stand by it. work for it... fight for it. regret it never. I will allow you to walk away no strings attached. I will not tug at heart strings or any other attachment. Just realize that with that first step I do not want you to retrace steps to try to find me. Because I will not be at that place where you left me. YThe patient and loving and loyal kind for you. No I will have completely moved. Never to be found my heart forever hidden never to be seen by you..
So move Ive only been waiting for you to finally get out of view so that I can run dance and skip away into the light at the end of this tunnel :)
So move Ive only been waiting for you to finally get out of view so that I can run dance and skip away into the light at the end of this tunnel :)
Monday, April 11, 2011
Touched.
Romancing The Stone
With you, I am romancing the stone.
Yet, you would never leave me alone,
Insensitive to my advances,
Inexorable to my glances,
nonetheless, you accept my blood donation,
Rescuing you when in need of salvation.
Always luring me back to your embrace,
then, letting me down without grace,
always falling back into disgrace.
A rock you are, your heart is of stone,
Colliding into my heart that bleeds alone.
nermin nazim
With you, I am romancing the stone.
Yet, you would never leave me alone,
Insensitive to my advances,
Inexorable to my glances,
nonetheless, you accept my blood donation,
Rescuing you when in need of salvation.
Always luring me back to your embrace,
then, letting me down without grace,
always falling back into disgrace.
A rock you are, your heart is of stone,
Colliding into my heart that bleeds alone.
nermin nazim
Monday, March 28, 2011
He said She said....
I said this has to end. we arent moving forward we are something like stuck in the most enjoyable rut because no matter what we do if we arent working towards a goal then we have done nothing but wasted time in pleasures that should not be felt.
He said he agreed... And as we turned to walk away it hit us just like in the movies and we turned back around running back to the arms of the one lover with the power to build the world around us or set fire to the world never to come back. We build when in each others love and destroy when we are devoid of it. We fight for each other in each others arms and when we are away a second too long we fight each other.
He said I feel like we are on a secret mission. No one knows what we are doing we just do. Oh but I thought this was the time to walk away again....I thought we had this one part figured out and it was ok bc no feelings would be expressed we would only deal with the heat emanating from each others bodies and compliment how our skin compliments one another. I thought that it wouldnt be about our love anymore.... And yet it lingers.
He said... but he does... and my reaction is equal and yet opposite. I say.... but then i do....
Maybe we will figure it out at a later date until then my favorite part is the 2 hour conversations in the wee hours of the morning just because you cant hold me as I go to sleep...
He said he agreed... And as we turned to walk away it hit us just like in the movies and we turned back around running back to the arms of the one lover with the power to build the world around us or set fire to the world never to come back. We build when in each others love and destroy when we are devoid of it. We fight for each other in each others arms and when we are away a second too long we fight each other.
He said I feel like we are on a secret mission. No one knows what we are doing we just do. Oh but I thought this was the time to walk away again....I thought we had this one part figured out and it was ok bc no feelings would be expressed we would only deal with the heat emanating from each others bodies and compliment how our skin compliments one another. I thought that it wouldnt be about our love anymore.... And yet it lingers.
He said... but he does... and my reaction is equal and yet opposite. I say.... but then i do....
Maybe we will figure it out at a later date until then my favorite part is the 2 hour conversations in the wee hours of the morning just because you cant hold me as I go to sleep...
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Getting your life in shape...
My brother posted this as a fb note I enjoyed it so Im sharing...
Bruce Lee's 7 fundamentals of getting your life in order.
1. What are you really thinking about today?
“As you think, so shall you become.”
Perhaps the most basic statement of how we work. Think about what you are thinking today. What do those thoughts say about you? About your life? And how well do they really match your plans for your life and your image of yourself?
It’s easy to forget about this simple statement in everyday life. It’s easy to be quite incongruent with what you think on an ordinary day compared to how you view yourself and your goals. A simple external reminder such as a post-it with this quote can be helpful to keep you and your thoughts on the right track. An brilliant and beautiful expansion on this thought can be found in James Allen’s As a man thinketh (that can be downloaded for free here).
2. Simplify.
“It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.”
“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.”
If you want to improve your life then it’s tempting to want to add more. One problem with this may be that you don’t really have the time or energy to do more though. And so your efforts to improve become short-lived.
Adding more and more just creates more stress and anxiety. Removing clutter and activities, tasks and thoughts that are not so important frees up time and energy for you to do more of what you really want to do. And as the clutter in your outer world decreases the clutter in your inner world also has a tendency to decrease. This has the added benefit of making it easier to actually enjoy whatever you are doing even more while you are doing it.
Adding more thoughts and thinking things over for the 111:th time may create a sense of security. It’s also a good way to procrastinate and to avoid taking that leap you know you should take. And the more you think, the harder it gets to act. Perhaps because you want to keep that comforting sense of security and avoid the risk of wrecking that feeling.
Thinking has its place. It can help you plan a somewhat realistic route to your goal and help you avoid future pitfalls. Overthinking is however just a habit that will help you waste a lot of time. It’s more useful to replace that habit with the habit of just doing it.
3. Learn about yourself in interactions.
“To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.”
The one person that is the hardest to get to really know may be yourself. Studying yourself while you are alone may result in some insights. But it’s also likely to produce a lot of made up thought loops and doubts in your mind. A good way to really learn more about yourself is study yourself in interactions with other people. How people react and act in these interaction can over time teach you a lot. And what you think and how you react can perhaps teach you even more.
What you see, feel and hear in other people may be a reflection of you. The things you learn by thinking this way may not always be pleasant, but they can be enlightening. They help you to see yourself and also how you may be fooling yourself. And these powerful insights can be very valuable for your personal growth. So, in interactions with others, try asking yourself: what is reflected?
4. Do not divide.
“Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.”
This is a very useful and powerful thought. It is also one that obviously is hard to live by. Why? I believe it’s because the ego loves to divide and find ways to “add more” to itself. It want’s to feel better than someone else. Or more clever. Or prettier. Or cooler. Or wiser.
How can you overcome this way of thinking and feeling?
To me it seems to boil down to not identifying so much with your thoughts or feelings. That doesn’t mean that you stop thinking or feeling. It just means that you realize – and remember in your everyday life – that the thoughts and emotions are just things flowing through you.
You are not them though.
You are the consciousness observing them.
When you realize and remember this it enables you to control the thoughts and feelings instead of the other way around. It also enables you to not take your thoughts too seriously and actually laugh at them or ignore them when you feel that your ego is acting out. When you are not being so identified these things you become more inclined to include things, thoughts and people instead of excluding them. This creates a lot of inner and outer freedom and stillness. Instead of fear, a need to divide your world and a search for conflicts.
To learn more about this I would recommend Eckhart Tolle’s books and signing up for the 10 free and excellent webcasts - available both in video and audio form – that he’s doing with Oprah right now.
5. Avoid a dependency on validation from others.
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
“Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory.”
The ego wants to add because it thinks it’s not enough. One way of doing that is by craving validation from others. We want to feel smart, pretty, successful and so on. And the validation makes you feel good for a while. But soon you need a new fix.
And the problem with being dependent on validation from other people is that you let other people control how you feel. This creates a rollercoaster of emotion in your life.
To find more emotional stability and to take control of how you feel you need to get your validation from to a more consistent source. Yourself. You can replace the expectations and validation of others by setting your own expectations and by validating yourself.
And so you validate yourself by thinking about how awesome you are. You don’t sell yourself short. You appreciate how far you have come and the positive things you have done. You appreciate your own value in the world. You set goals and you achieve those goals. This builds confidence in yourself and in your abilities. These things will help you to build a habit of inner validation.
Now, showing off. Why do we do that? To get validation from others. However, this need for validation often shines through and that is why a thing like bragging seldom works. Instead of seeing the cool and successful person you are trying to project people just see the insecure and needy person looking for validation. And your bragging falls flat.
6. Be proactive.
“To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.”
It’s easy to get locked into a reactive mindset. You just follow along with whatever is happening. You do what the people around you do. You react to whatever is going on.
And so you get lost in your circumstances. This way of thinking doesn’t feel too good. You tend to feel powerless and like you are just drifting along.
A more useful and pleasurable way of living is to be proactive. As Bruce says: to create opportunities despite the circumstances around you. This feels better and provides better results. But on the other hand it’s also more difficult. It’s easier to just drift along in the reactive stream of life. And if you want to be proactive then you may have to take the lead quite often. And that can be scary.
Still, living proactively is so much more rewarding and exciting.
7. Be you.
“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”
Just being yourself is a hard thing to do. You may do it sometimes. And other times you may forget or fall back into old thought patterns. Or you may imitate someone else.
And that comes through too. And it may work.
But I believe that being the real you will work better. Because there the genuine you is shining through. Without incongruency, mixed messages or perhaps a sort of phoniness. It’s you to 100%. It’s you with not only your words but you with your voice tonality and body language – which some say is over 90% of communication - on the same wavelength as your words. It’s you coming through on all channels of communication.
So I’m not saying: “yeah man, you should just be yourself because it’s the right thing to do etc.” I’m saying that I think being your authentic self – the one where you do little dividing, the one that needs little validation from others, the one where your ego is not running the show and trying to get something from someone – will give you better results and more satisfaction in your day to day life because you are in alignment with yourself. And because people really like genuine and people really like authenticity.
Bruce Lees Top 7 Fundamentals for Getting Your Life in Shape
http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2008/03/07/bruce-lees-top-7-fundamentals-for-getting-your-life-in-shape/
Bruce Lee's 7 fundamentals of getting your life in order.
1. What are you really thinking about today?
“As you think, so shall you become.”
Perhaps the most basic statement of how we work. Think about what you are thinking today. What do those thoughts say about you? About your life? And how well do they really match your plans for your life and your image of yourself?
It’s easy to forget about this simple statement in everyday life. It’s easy to be quite incongruent with what you think on an ordinary day compared to how you view yourself and your goals. A simple external reminder such as a post-it with this quote can be helpful to keep you and your thoughts on the right track. An brilliant and beautiful expansion on this thought can be found in James Allen’s As a man thinketh (that can be downloaded for free here).
2. Simplify.
“It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.”
“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.”
If you want to improve your life then it’s tempting to want to add more. One problem with this may be that you don’t really have the time or energy to do more though. And so your efforts to improve become short-lived.
Adding more and more just creates more stress and anxiety. Removing clutter and activities, tasks and thoughts that are not so important frees up time and energy for you to do more of what you really want to do. And as the clutter in your outer world decreases the clutter in your inner world also has a tendency to decrease. This has the added benefit of making it easier to actually enjoy whatever you are doing even more while you are doing it.
Adding more thoughts and thinking things over for the 111:th time may create a sense of security. It’s also a good way to procrastinate and to avoid taking that leap you know you should take. And the more you think, the harder it gets to act. Perhaps because you want to keep that comforting sense of security and avoid the risk of wrecking that feeling.
Thinking has its place. It can help you plan a somewhat realistic route to your goal and help you avoid future pitfalls. Overthinking is however just a habit that will help you waste a lot of time. It’s more useful to replace that habit with the habit of just doing it.
3. Learn about yourself in interactions.
“To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.”
The one person that is the hardest to get to really know may be yourself. Studying yourself while you are alone may result in some insights. But it’s also likely to produce a lot of made up thought loops and doubts in your mind. A good way to really learn more about yourself is study yourself in interactions with other people. How people react and act in these interaction can over time teach you a lot. And what you think and how you react can perhaps teach you even more.
What you see, feel and hear in other people may be a reflection of you. The things you learn by thinking this way may not always be pleasant, but they can be enlightening. They help you to see yourself and also how you may be fooling yourself. And these powerful insights can be very valuable for your personal growth. So, in interactions with others, try asking yourself: what is reflected?
4. Do not divide.
“Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.”
This is a very useful and powerful thought. It is also one that obviously is hard to live by. Why? I believe it’s because the ego loves to divide and find ways to “add more” to itself. It want’s to feel better than someone else. Or more clever. Or prettier. Or cooler. Or wiser.
How can you overcome this way of thinking and feeling?
To me it seems to boil down to not identifying so much with your thoughts or feelings. That doesn’t mean that you stop thinking or feeling. It just means that you realize – and remember in your everyday life – that the thoughts and emotions are just things flowing through you.
You are not them though.
You are the consciousness observing them.
When you realize and remember this it enables you to control the thoughts and feelings instead of the other way around. It also enables you to not take your thoughts too seriously and actually laugh at them or ignore them when you feel that your ego is acting out. When you are not being so identified these things you become more inclined to include things, thoughts and people instead of excluding them. This creates a lot of inner and outer freedom and stillness. Instead of fear, a need to divide your world and a search for conflicts.
To learn more about this I would recommend Eckhart Tolle’s books and signing up for the 10 free and excellent webcasts - available both in video and audio form – that he’s doing with Oprah right now.
5. Avoid a dependency on validation from others.
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
“Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory.”
The ego wants to add because it thinks it’s not enough. One way of doing that is by craving validation from others. We want to feel smart, pretty, successful and so on. And the validation makes you feel good for a while. But soon you need a new fix.
And the problem with being dependent on validation from other people is that you let other people control how you feel. This creates a rollercoaster of emotion in your life.
To find more emotional stability and to take control of how you feel you need to get your validation from to a more consistent source. Yourself. You can replace the expectations and validation of others by setting your own expectations and by validating yourself.
And so you validate yourself by thinking about how awesome you are. You don’t sell yourself short. You appreciate how far you have come and the positive things you have done. You appreciate your own value in the world. You set goals and you achieve those goals. This builds confidence in yourself and in your abilities. These things will help you to build a habit of inner validation.
Now, showing off. Why do we do that? To get validation from others. However, this need for validation often shines through and that is why a thing like bragging seldom works. Instead of seeing the cool and successful person you are trying to project people just see the insecure and needy person looking for validation. And your bragging falls flat.
6. Be proactive.
“To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.”
It’s easy to get locked into a reactive mindset. You just follow along with whatever is happening. You do what the people around you do. You react to whatever is going on.
And so you get lost in your circumstances. This way of thinking doesn’t feel too good. You tend to feel powerless and like you are just drifting along.
A more useful and pleasurable way of living is to be proactive. As Bruce says: to create opportunities despite the circumstances around you. This feels better and provides better results. But on the other hand it’s also more difficult. It’s easier to just drift along in the reactive stream of life. And if you want to be proactive then you may have to take the lead quite often. And that can be scary.
Still, living proactively is so much more rewarding and exciting.
7. Be you.
“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”
Just being yourself is a hard thing to do. You may do it sometimes. And other times you may forget or fall back into old thought patterns. Or you may imitate someone else.
And that comes through too. And it may work.
But I believe that being the real you will work better. Because there the genuine you is shining through. Without incongruency, mixed messages or perhaps a sort of phoniness. It’s you to 100%. It’s you with not only your words but you with your voice tonality and body language – which some say is over 90% of communication - on the same wavelength as your words. It’s you coming through on all channels of communication.
So I’m not saying: “yeah man, you should just be yourself because it’s the right thing to do etc.” I’m saying that I think being your authentic self – the one where you do little dividing, the one that needs little validation from others, the one where your ego is not running the show and trying to get something from someone – will give you better results and more satisfaction in your day to day life because you are in alignment with yourself. And because people really like genuine and people really like authenticity.
Bruce Lees Top 7 Fundamentals for Getting Your Life in Shape
http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2008/03/07/bruce-lees-top-7-fundamentals-for-getting-your-life-in-shape/
Friday, March 25, 2011
"Im a grown ass woman DAWG"
Treat me as such. If I present myself as such.
I guess.
Im grown... *I yell with my hands on my hip waving my finger and rolling my neck*
LOL... Oh I amuse myself.
But I digress... So Ive grown. I dont know what it is to be on "That grown woman shit" but everyone tells me thats where I am. Ok I guess. I feel like I should be further along. If this right here is GROWN then I wanna be MATURE... SEASONED... or something like that... something a decade past grown but like a half century from DUST you feel me?
I wanna live it up in the lap of stability. *Yeah thats exactly it*
LOL I wanna play the lotto on my lucky day and win big and sit back invest and watch my money pile up. Or maybe I can marry a BALLER and be on VH1 basketball wives *eye roll* something of the sort. You know the easy route. Or I can become another Nicki Minaj and rap under the pretense of pink bangs big ass over exposed tits and a lil gritty wit to my rhymes.... and tell everyone if THEY dont feel me then them bitches is deaf dumb. yeah. some of that.
where in the heck was I going? Yeah i forgot.
Progression and regression its a certain succession in this session we call lifes lessons. what does that mean? I feel like im stuck in a fuckin rut. And I take two steps forward and two steps back.
We are all ignorant just in different subjects.
Live with it.
Im a grown ass woman dawg.... come at me as such... unless I present something else.
I guess.
Im grown... *I yell with my hands on my hip waving my finger and rolling my neck*
LOL... Oh I amuse myself.
But I digress... So Ive grown. I dont know what it is to be on "That grown woman shit" but everyone tells me thats where I am. Ok I guess. I feel like I should be further along. If this right here is GROWN then I wanna be MATURE... SEASONED... or something like that... something a decade past grown but like a half century from DUST you feel me?
I wanna live it up in the lap of stability. *Yeah thats exactly it*
LOL I wanna play the lotto on my lucky day and win big and sit back invest and watch my money pile up. Or maybe I can marry a BALLER and be on VH1 basketball wives *eye roll* something of the sort. You know the easy route. Or I can become another Nicki Minaj and rap under the pretense of pink bangs big ass over exposed tits and a lil gritty wit to my rhymes.... and tell everyone if THEY dont feel me then them bitches is deaf dumb. yeah. some of that.
where in the heck was I going? Yeah i forgot.
Progression and regression its a certain succession in this session we call lifes lessons. what does that mean? I feel like im stuck in a fuckin rut. And I take two steps forward and two steps back.
We are all ignorant just in different subjects.
Live with it.
Im a grown ass woman dawg.... come at me as such... unless I present something else.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
3 AM
3 AM
I called you on accident.
But you called back... and well thats what I said when I answered.
we try to fall into whats comfortable and thats love. The love we fought for. We even fought each other. fought against it. And now we are trying to figure out if we should still fight FOR IT.
are you ok? i am concerned with every aspect of your being that I can influence. And all else fades as it does not pertain to me and I ignore its presence. Its nothing to me. and you inquire the same. I good. Mostly great actually.
And in the silence the air screams I MISS YOU coming from the inhale and exhales of the two of us.
Its 3am. we have no business on the phone. We have no business looking forward to seeing one another. We have no business acknowledging our love. We have no business at all except our ever so evident love. What draws us together pulls us apart because what we expected was perfection and not the messiness of life.
and we both roll over and whisper a little longer into the phone. Our voices tinged with love. In between the lines we know we arent ready to let go but what does the bottom line of that even mean?
Can we meet in the middle and make all this right? Probably not. But if happiness is the end goal then lets exhaust all efforts to try to make it there. one step at a time.
so yeah um.. im about to go to sleep.... we should probably get off the phone.
Im good... better... working on being my best... even if that means completely without you.
the mere existence of us can empower nations. And the world devoid of us is dark.
which path are we on?
I called you on accident.
But you called back... and well thats what I said when I answered.
we try to fall into whats comfortable and thats love. The love we fought for. We even fought each other. fought against it. And now we are trying to figure out if we should still fight FOR IT.
are you ok? i am concerned with every aspect of your being that I can influence. And all else fades as it does not pertain to me and I ignore its presence. Its nothing to me. and you inquire the same. I good. Mostly great actually.
And in the silence the air screams I MISS YOU coming from the inhale and exhales of the two of us.
Its 3am. we have no business on the phone. We have no business looking forward to seeing one another. We have no business acknowledging our love. We have no business at all except our ever so evident love. What draws us together pulls us apart because what we expected was perfection and not the messiness of life.
and we both roll over and whisper a little longer into the phone. Our voices tinged with love. In between the lines we know we arent ready to let go but what does the bottom line of that even mean?
Can we meet in the middle and make all this right? Probably not. But if happiness is the end goal then lets exhaust all efforts to try to make it there. one step at a time.
so yeah um.. im about to go to sleep.... we should probably get off the phone.
Im good... better... working on being my best... even if that means completely without you.
the mere existence of us can empower nations. And the world devoid of us is dark.
which path are we on?
Sunday, March 6, 2011
"You know I love you gurl"
Right.
You dont love me. you love US.
Dont sweat the technique. Cause I promise thats what you love.
How hard is it to find someone and something genuine. I confessed that there are times when I feel "naturally stupid" for being so giving and so kind to people and to be able to see the good in people even when their actions are "bad" (doing something negative doesnt take away from the base positivity of a person they can still generate positive energy right?) You told me that im not stupid. I just assume that everyone is like myself. Are people not goood? Are people not loving and kind? Do people not bounce back off of heartache without bitterness and ready and open to new love and experiences?
Will this all be worth it? Should I listen to the "pillow talk" the whispers at 3 am that say I love you and pull me closer. Should I fall for the sexy saunter? *sigh* Ive never been one to fall head over heels for the game they spit. I never seemed to be able to call them on it though.
"You know I love you gurl"
No I dont. Actually I dont even know what that means. Unless you have completely redefined love and the connotations associated there in. Playa lemme tell you something. Should I be surprised? Cause I mean Im a wonderful person all around you SHOULD love me. But I doubt you see all that. "It aint cha beauty its ya booty" I would sooner believe that. Just sayin. Im not anti love. Im anti yo lies at this point.
Dont sweat the technique. I good at everything I do.
You dont love me. you love US.
Dont sweat the technique. Cause I promise thats what you love.
How hard is it to find someone and something genuine. I confessed that there are times when I feel "naturally stupid" for being so giving and so kind to people and to be able to see the good in people even when their actions are "bad" (doing something negative doesnt take away from the base positivity of a person they can still generate positive energy right?) You told me that im not stupid. I just assume that everyone is like myself. Are people not goood? Are people not loving and kind? Do people not bounce back off of heartache without bitterness and ready and open to new love and experiences?
Will this all be worth it? Should I listen to the "pillow talk" the whispers at 3 am that say I love you and pull me closer. Should I fall for the sexy saunter? *sigh* Ive never been one to fall head over heels for the game they spit. I never seemed to be able to call them on it though.
"You know I love you gurl"
No I dont. Actually I dont even know what that means. Unless you have completely redefined love and the connotations associated there in. Playa lemme tell you something. Should I be surprised? Cause I mean Im a wonderful person all around you SHOULD love me. But I doubt you see all that. "It aint cha beauty its ya booty" I would sooner believe that. Just sayin. Im not anti love. Im anti yo lies at this point.
Dont sweat the technique. I good at everything I do.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Beth is turning 1
WOW...
I remember those first 2 weeks. I was scared I was going to do something horribly wrong and she wasnt gonna make it. Scared I wasnt gonna feed her enough. or not care for her correctly. Or drop her or fall down the steps while holding her. I was delirious with paranoia that lasted basically this whole year. I am creeping slowly away from new mommy syndrome. Ive kicked the habit of separation anxiety. My stomach no longer feels empty without the presence of her life in my belly but my heart is full of a love that I cannot even describe if I knew every eloquent word ever recorded in mans speaking history. Nothing could do any justice to express how this Year ONE with Elizabeth was.
She made it. I made it. We made it. I did something right. Or maybe not so horribly wrong as I thought that I would. Im such a mom now though. Its funny to notice the changes.
Beths bday party was yesterday. We are preparing to attend another party today. I am abundantly blessed. My family is perfect and whole with the addition of Elizabeth and I cannot imagine my right now without her.
Happy Birthday to my first born child Elizabeth Grace. Mommy Loves you!
I remember those first 2 weeks. I was scared I was going to do something horribly wrong and she wasnt gonna make it. Scared I wasnt gonna feed her enough. or not care for her correctly. Or drop her or fall down the steps while holding her. I was delirious with paranoia that lasted basically this whole year. I am creeping slowly away from new mommy syndrome. Ive kicked the habit of separation anxiety. My stomach no longer feels empty without the presence of her life in my belly but my heart is full of a love that I cannot even describe if I knew every eloquent word ever recorded in mans speaking history. Nothing could do any justice to express how this Year ONE with Elizabeth was.
She made it. I made it. We made it. I did something right. Or maybe not so horribly wrong as I thought that I would. Im such a mom now though. Its funny to notice the changes.
Beths bday party was yesterday. We are preparing to attend another party today. I am abundantly blessed. My family is perfect and whole with the addition of Elizabeth and I cannot imagine my right now without her.
Happy Birthday to my first born child Elizabeth Grace. Mommy Loves you!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
2010 Youve been replaced...
Not that you had any choice.
Dont hold on though. Just hold onto your pride. Because anything less will make you look like a fool. Or foolish. or whatever....
It is so hard to believe that Ive moved on? 2011 and I are getting along. We are having "fun" its been good to me so far. I mean I know how I do though... by the time 2012 comes around I will want to move onto that too but for right now Im gonna just chill with 2011 and see what she brings to the table.
Forward motion. I would never go back to 2009. Always something new here. Not like you have a choice though. So baby this is my goodbye. It was good while it lasted and I will always carry you in my heart. But 2010 is over. And 2011 is here in all its newfound glory.... Hope you understand.
~Signed~
The New Me
Dont hold on though. Just hold onto your pride. Because anything less will make you look like a fool. Or foolish. or whatever....
It is so hard to believe that Ive moved on? 2011 and I are getting along. We are having "fun" its been good to me so far. I mean I know how I do though... by the time 2012 comes around I will want to move onto that too but for right now Im gonna just chill with 2011 and see what she brings to the table.
Forward motion. I would never go back to 2009. Always something new here. Not like you have a choice though. So baby this is my goodbye. It was good while it lasted and I will always carry you in my heart. But 2010 is over. And 2011 is here in all its newfound glory.... Hope you understand.
~Signed~
The New Me
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