Sunday, December 26, 2010

I birth NATIONS

"If you educate a man, you educate an individual. If you educate a woman, you educate a nation." - Charles Kwegyir Aggrey.

#Truth

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Can I sum it up?

2010.

I cant remember it. It was a blur. the only two constants were Beth and school.

I assume i ate as I am still alive. I assume I slept as I am not currently sleepy but I promise I cant remember this year.

Its a sad state of affairs.

Do I look forward to next year? IDK. I look forward to like 3 years from now. When my goals have been met. We will see what the next year holds.

the constants will be Beth, School and work. Everything else can fall where it wants. I will figure out the rest as time goes on.

Merry Christmas

Beths First Christmas.

Beautiful.

Wonderful.

Heartachingly beautiful.

I love my family.

Message in a bottle



feels good to see someone else so affected by this song they made their own video.

yin and yang

yin and yang.... push and pull... we push and pull and get no where but where we started knowing that it ended and we can no longer embrace but cant let go either and neither one of us can stop pushing and neither can stop pulling.. and one day it will be realized that we are yin and yang. the perfect balance.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Question: (I have an answer)

Ok so Im chatting via FB and I was asked this (Im gonna copy and paste and no names shall be used to protect the innocent... save myself that is)

Friend: question...in your opinion what makes a good relationship

ME: I feel like the person is my best friend
(5 minute lapse)
Oh must I say more?

Friend: yes please do

ME: Like I think that a good relationship starts from the two people being able to best relate to each other as best friends

Like you dont always have to be up under ya best friend because you are secure in yalls relationship

you can tell them anything and joke with them about it all
confide in them and best friends know everything about you and still like you

Best friends consider each others feelings and deeply and genuinely care for one another

and its sad to say but usually we will think twice before soing our best friend wrong but will go ahead and do our significant other wrong and think only to deal with if we get caught

communication isnt a issue with best friends because they openly talk

and I believe that this should all be in the foundation for a lasting relationship.

Love is the house

chemistry is the decoration

and the two people can live in that mutha fucka forever so long as they take care of it

___________________________________________________________________________________

Thats how I would answer that question... in case u were wondering

"You Are An Absolute In A World Full Of Variables"

I was told about myself today. And the title is but a excerpt from the pages full of words that defined my character through anothers eyes. I did not realize that for so long I was fiercely loyal to my now ex... and Father of my child. I did not realize how much I have changed. I see how much I mist chance in order to move forward. Somehow I cannot see the path that I HAVE walked but see the path that I MUST walk... because no one else can do it for me. I was told "I Forever Am In Debt To The Creator For Allowing Him To Place You Within My Life & Embedded Within My Mind..."

After years of being with someone who didnt know my worth to being able to spend a few moments with someone new its crazy that they would feel this way but it makes ME feel appreciated.

Maybe thats all I want and need... Is someone to make me feel appreciated not for what I do for them.. but simply for who I am. Someone who will be as LOYAL to me as I can be to them.... Give me reason to believe. Give me reason to continue to be WHO I AM... Who am I? I lost it along the way. Im sure. I will find it again.

"I will love when it hurts"

Yeah I quoted myself.

I used to do it all the time. But its funny the weight of this one sentence. Im not asking someone to love me. I am telling you what I will do. What I am willing to do.

But is that fair to me?

Love is a silly silly emotion. It clouds judgment... it intesnifies everything around you. The greens are greener the reds MORE RED! It makes the Schnozzberries taste like SCHNOZZBERRIES!!!

Love is fickle. It is rarely kind loving and fair. But when everything else dies. Love remains.

Love is everlasting. and its a weakness I dont mind being strong for.

And until I find one worthy... I will hide my strengths and show only my weaknesses and protect them with everything I have. My heart is fragile and yet made of the coldest marble. Cool to the touch. Smooth and without flaw.

I am beautiful. I am love personified. Maybe THATS what intimidates you.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Girls just wanna



I heard this and for some reason I thought it was Fe Fe Dobson *who I LOOOVVEEEE* but its Miley.... hmm does this make me a closet Miley fan?

The Empressess New Shoes

I should totally take pics of these new boots and post them. THEY ARE AWESOME! And the most Ive paid for boots. *me personally I think... wait no I used to buy timbs so they were more expensive. Speaking of which I need a pair of timbs....*

But I think I like them. They are nice boots though.

Found out that I thought I was a womans 6. *I used to be an 8... or should I say a "Misses" 8 and I am now literally HALF the size I used to be. a 4.* Good or bad... IDK I couldntt find the pants that I really wanted in my size. But whatever. I guess I should just count it as a blessing right? I could be TWICE my old size. A lot less work to gain weight than it is to lose it.

BETH... is the silliest baby ever invented. She is such a HAM! She is walking and all. And Shes always in such a good mood. Im so blessed. I love my little family

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

touch and go...

Little black dresses.

thigh high boots.

BUT I REFUSE TO WEAR A MEAN HEEL! I feel like I can have some BAD ASS flats on. Or maybe a slight wedge. BLAH.

Boot shopping tomorrow. Thats what we do. Shoes and more shoes. I need some new jeans.

Beth just got another pair of shoes. She learned how to walk in the shoes I got her. Its funny how when you truly pay attention to your child you can tell at a glance what will work for them and how well they take to it.

This semester is winding to a close.

Today I have cut 2 people out of my life for good. They have lingered for far too long :( This week the grand total is 3.

Im tired and I need a slight rest....

WAIIITTT A SECOND!!! I think I know what Im wearing to the party on friday LLS! *Ugh I am so random its sickening*

Oh My brother doesnt know it yet but Im about to steal his new book and read it. Its called: "The Year Of Living Biblically:One mans HUMBLE QUEST to Follow the Bible as Literally as possible. (This should be INTERESTING!)

Gotta love big brothers!!!

Since we are talking siblings. Im fairly certain that Beth is going to be an only child. Mostly because of my age. I dont wanna try to pull back together a 2nd baby body after Im 35. :( Yeah so not the business. SO Beth will probably be the only one. I still have it in my heart to foster and maybe adopt but that will be later. later later later. Everything is always later. Isnt it?

Mi wan fi hold yuh



I love this song. Have since I heard it the first time. The remix is cool too but this was the song that put Gyptian on the map of my music heart. Right now its the theme to my day....

Elizabeths First Christmas/ First Steps

Elizabeth took her first official steps on Veterans Day. Last night she took over 7 steps. and kept repeating at least 2-4 steps. EXCITEMENT!!!

I put up the Christmas tree The day after Thanksgiving as is my tradition in my head. I love this... decking the halls.

Well Happy Holidays to yall from myself and my beautiful ball of joy Elizabeth *9 months old 25 lbs and 29 inches tall)




two strand twists and dread locs

So i did say that I would blog about my natural hair. Its been in 2 strand twists for like6 weeks. As soon as I decided that I wanted to loc my hair I realized that I missed my waves and curls. but I havent taken my hair out as of yet. I actually just adorned my hair with these glass beads that I have had for a few years since before I went to Iraq actually.

But I am gonna take these out. I have gotten a new conditioner that will make my hair smell WONDERFUL I cant wait to take these damned things out lol. ESPECIALLY since I cant seem to get free help with my hair. But its all good. Just because you do for others doesnt obligate them to do for you. Something i learned when i was 17 but over the last 10 years I have found that I am learning it over and over again.

Oh...
man....

I am turning 28 on Jan 7th. WOW. How will I celebrate THAT one? LOL! Im not sure but I do wanna celebrate it.

Right now I am getting ready for the rest of these holidays.

Tell the girls that I am back in town

does anyone else find themselves running in endless circles much like a gerbil trying to get exercise?

you find yourself running yourself ragged just to find yourself back at the place you started.

Im not saying rut like activity... more like you start here work work work... and you think youve ended there.... just to come back full circle to here again.

What the poo is that all about?

blah.

I was told that I was beautifull yesterday. Actually Im told on an often enough occasion that I should believe when the sentiment is expressed. However I dont. I believe its all apart of some elaborate *and sometimes not so elaborate* plan to break my widdle heart in to teensy weensy pieces. So beautiful is not what I want to be. at least not to other people. But somewhere in that I forgot to be beautiful to me.

I am bringing myself back to the middle.

anyway

Either its foggy as hell outside OR its raining so hard that it looks foggy. smh.